So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
