why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize