about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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