Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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