how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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