R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
