This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
