i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
