dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize