You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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