We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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