He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
