the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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