btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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