Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
