i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize