I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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