lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
