OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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