i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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