I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
