Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
