he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
