this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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