I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
