idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
