so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
