My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize