Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
