This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're too hungover to prance.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize