I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
