Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
