It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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