Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
