i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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