I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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