hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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