Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
