I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
