I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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