You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
