so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
