marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
