My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
