xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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