I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
