So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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