Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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