So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
