MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
