His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
