The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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