Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
