sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
