Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
