Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
