I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
