my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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