dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
