I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
