i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize