the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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