make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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