My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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