I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
