i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
