girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
