My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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