This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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