My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my being single is dangerous.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just want nice things and good sex
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize