wakey wakey hands off snakey
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
