when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
