You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She told me I should be a condom model.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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