your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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