one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
