My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So squirting runs in the family.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
