she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i believe in u and ur pee
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
