I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
