I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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