but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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