how can u be prego again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
