I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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