Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
