you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize