I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
