hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
please don't ironically join a cult
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