I hate all girls vehemently.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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