you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
