the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
