Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize