It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
