you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
