it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're a waste of cheezeits
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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