Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize