how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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