Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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