I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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