He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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