i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
