College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
